12 ways to make your relationship feel like it did when you first fell in love
Feeling a bit out of sorts with your relationship? Is it bit stale? Wonder what happened over the past years, especially to those incredible feelings you had when you first fell in love? Try these twelve things to recreate that spark.
Feeling a bit out of sorts with your relationship? Is it a bit stale? Wonder what happened over the past years, especially to those incredible feelings you had when you first fell in love? If your relationship suffers in any of these ways, just think back to when you first fell in love and try to reignite some of those feelings by doing these twelve things:
Date once per week (or more)
Do you remember how fun it was to go on real dates? A movie, a walk along the river, just sitting on the bench in silence, sharing a peanut butter parfait, dancing on the school gym floor, cuddling in a blanket at a ball game on a chilly evening, or even playing tennis? If time seems to have engulfed you and those memories have faded, you need to break out of your slumber. Dating once a week will enhance your relationship and take you back.
Holding hands for the very first time was electrifying! When was the last time you actually held hands? It should still feel electrifying. That mere sense of touch of two hands, clasped together, with a tiny or even large squeeze, can create that sense of togetherness once again.
Spend time on the phone talking (not texting)
How novel is this? Remember how when you were dating, you could talk and talk and then talk some more? Often, when you arrived home from a date, you called that girl or that guy on the phone and talked. It seemed like you two could talk about anything. If all you do is watch or play video games and never exchange a word with each other, no wonder you are feeling dull and listless in your relationship. Talk. Often. Together. Repeat.
Put your arm around each other
This used to create sweaty palms, hesitancy, and even a disjointed thought process. The twitter in your heart pulsated as you cautiously stretched, carefully placing your arm around her. You only breathed a sigh of relief when she snuggled in closer. You were ecstatic! That twinge of excitement should return each time you put your around your loved one. Pull her close and whisper in her ear.
There was nothing more intoxicating than taking walks around the block, down by the river, on mountain trails, or in the park. Throwing in a bit of hand-holding or putting your arms around each other will definitely reawaken memories of when you first were in love. The walks don't have to be long or even strenuous. Just walk and talk like the first time.
Somberness only kills feelings. Remember making faces at each other or telling each other silly jokes? A little tickle here or a little tickle there? Laughter was easy when you were in love and wanted to be around each other. You don't have to laugh all the time. But periodic laughing is spectacular. It invigorates the soul, drawing you closer together.
Tell each other how much love each other
People say it is important to say "I love you" at least eight times per day. Your first "I-love-you-feeling" enveloped you, and you wanted to shout it from the roof tops. Say it over the phone, via text, with a note on the mirror, standing toe-to-toe with your noses touching, or with a quick video message.
Make dinner or dessert for each other
If eating takeout has become your norm, your relationship has serious issues. When you first were in love, you baked cookies or made dinner for your loved one. Back then, you actually sat down at a table or on the patio and ate together and talked. Time was not an issue. You hoped the lasagna would last just a tad bit longer so you didn't have to quit the moment. Even then, you could just finish, push the plates to the side, and continue your deep or frivolous discussions. Try this again. Make your partner his or her favorite meal or dessert.
Kindness was one of those qualities you felt when you were falling in love. You wanted to be kind. You did kind things. You were on your best behavior, always trying to out-kind yourself at every corner. Be kind again. You'll be surprised at the repercussions.
Make an impression
Oh, the impressions you used to make! A new dress. New cologne. Shined shoes. A new haircut. Opening the car door. A quick wink as you approached her or said good-bye before going home after a wonderful date. Everything was done to make an impression. Literally everything. The adage, "Once you get her, forget her," should be burned and buried. It should be, "Once you get her, continue to create sparks."
Write each other notes
The days seem long ago when you would receive a note in the mail or a message on the answering machine or even a scribbled message on the back of an old piece of paper stuck under the windshield wipers. Especially in today's society with instant messaging, Skype, texting, and voice mail, there shouldn't be any excuse for not writing a note or two. Be creative.
Knowing you were going to be spending time with your love caused tingles to wiggle their way from head to foot. Being together was the only thing you wanted to do. You never wanted to be apart - thus, the late evenings and maybe even early mornings you spent together. Often, being apart and doing your "own thing" creates a gap between the two of you, causing a separation of sorts. Not good. Spending time together now, doing whatever, will re-create those ol' time, lovin' feelings.
Bottom line is this: If you want to feel the same feelings you did when you first fell in love, you have to do those same things you did when you first fell in love. Or, create new things to do that will generate those same feelings. It's the only way.
Darrel Hammon likes being outdoors, growing things and seeing things the way they could be. You can read more of his musings at darrelhammon.blogspot.com. He and his wife worked as welfare volunteers in the Caribbean.