Marriage is extremely delicate, requiring a great deal of dedication and devotion. However, often spouses take actions that greatly hinder a healthy relationship. If left unnoticed, these things can cause great harm in a marriage.
Here are 10 mistakes to be aware of that often result in marital misery and/or divorce:
1. Believing that happiness depends on the other
It is important that you find your own satisfaction and remember that it is not your spouse's responsibility to make your life wonderful in every way. It is your choice to be happy. Happiness is not given. It is built.
2. Constantly criticizing your spouse
No one likes to be constantly scolded. Repeated criticism of your spouse's behavior will not cause him or her to change. In fact, it may produce the opposite effect.
3. Speaking badly of the other
Avoid gossiping about your husband or wife to friends and family. This will cause hurt feelings and distrust to abound.
4. Focusing on the negative
Always expecting the worst of each other will not save you from disappointment. Instead, it will attract negativity, and damage your relationship and trust. Have a realistic, but positive, view of your spouse. Do not expect perfection, but do not expect failure either.
5. Keeping secrets
Life together, as the name makes clear, must be effectively shared. This leaves no room for secrets in the intimacy of two people who love each other.
Infidelity is the most common reason for the ending of relationships. Fully commit to the choice you have made in marrying your spouse. Seek to reflect on how to resist the temptation to cheat.
7. Having different goals
Of course it is necessary that each of you keep your individuality, but you need to make sure "my goals" turn into "our goals." Marriages thrive when both people have common goals in sight.
8. Refusing to forgive
Every human being is subject to error. Forgiving offenses is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember, you have made your fair share of mistakes as well.
9. Being highly controlling
No one likes to feel controlled or spied on. Those who tend to be controlling usually have problems with insecurity. Take care of your self-esteem, eliminate feelings of jealousy, and trust that your spouse can do the right thing on his or her own.
Lack of communication is a major impediment to relationships. Talking helps people express their feelings, and aids in seeking timely solutions. It is also important to praise and show love by caring and providing dedicated attention.
It is said that "To err is human, but to persist in error is inhuman." Acting intelligently is to observe what has harmed the relationship and change the behavior. According to Confucius, to "not fix our faults is the same as committing new mistakes." So, if you and your spouse want a harmonious and happy marriage, fix your faults, learn from your mistakes and move forward together.
This article is a translation and adaption of the original article,
Suely is a conflict counselor, an educator and has a MBA in Strategic People Management. She's the host of the program "Deixa Disso," which offers relationships advice. She has also published two books, “Uma fênix em Praga” and, “Mediando Conflitos no Relacionamento a Dois”.