Men and women think differently about sex. Here are five sex secrets your wife may not tell you.
Sex secret #1 - Help without being asked
Husbands, you need to understand something: getting in the mood starts outside the bedroom. It can often begin at the kitchen sink when you say you're going to do the dishes tonight. It can occur when you remember to take out the garbage before she has to nag you to do it. Nothing is more sexy to an exhausted new mother than watching her thoughtful husband change the diapers. It's one of the least known mysteries about women.
Men think about sex long before they're married, whereas women imagine marriage as a loving closeness. Women tend to think more romantically - candles, soft music, a warm embrace, loving words. Men tend to think more sexually. Women generally like sex because it makes them feel a closer connection to their husband. Men like sex because it's ... sex. Women want the loving experience; men need the physical affection.
Sex secret #3 - Make her feel beautiful
Most men are very visual. They are attracted to the female form. Most women generally would prefer to be intimate in the dark, mostly because they don't feel good about their own body.
A negligee or nightie is fun to receive as a gift every now and then, but if those are the only kinds of clothing she ever receives from you, she's going to get annoyed. She'll often be more thrilled with a new outfit she can actually wear out in public and brag to her friends that you gave her. She wants to be able to talk to her girlfriends about how thoughtful you are.
Sex secret #4 - Be understanding, not demanding
Men often (but not always) enjoy sex more than women. It's a sad, frustrating fact. For women, it takes a lot more physical and mental work to enjoy sex. Physically, it can be painful. Emotionally, women have to think about getting pregnant before and after every single time. A woman's entire life can be altered, and she knows it. A woman has to consider birth control measures every single day (especially if she is on "the pill"), a fact that might even make her feel resentful about intimacy.
There will be times when she would rather sleep, and so she offers it to you as a loving gift. Accept the gift and don't be offended if that's all that happens. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. But don't be greedy about it; the more often it's unenjoyable for her, the more likely it is that she will never want sex. It then becomes a chore to her. Women want sex to be a special occasion, but if you demand it every day, it can become a task she dreads. Pace yourself.
Sex secret #5 - Tell her what you like about her body
OK, so what if she's had so many pregnancies that her figure now looks a little more ghoulish than girlish? Tell her what you love about her body, and be sincere. Remember that neither one of you is perfect.
Women often complain that all men want is one thing and that their evaluation of a woman is based entirely on physical attributes. Be careful in your praise of her external gifts to include some of her inner qualities so she knows it is the whole person you love.
You know when you watch some commercial on TV with a catchy jingle and then you can't get that song out of your head all day? If the power of suggestion can affect us that much from a source we really don't care about, think about how much it would affect us if it came from a source we really did care about. When your sweetheart hears you complain about what a terrible cook she is or how you wish her hair looked, then she begins to believe it. The opposite is true too; when she hears what a thoughtful wife she is, or caring mother, then she becomes those.
She wants to believe that you will keep pursuing her even after you've won her. She wants to feel like she's worth it to you. She wants to feel safe with you and know that you'll never leave.
Sexual intimacy should be a beautiful expression of love, not a power play. Showing kindness and trust during the day can enhance what happens at night.