10 signs that you are destroying your marriage

You may unknowingly be internally sabotaging your own marriage.

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  • We all bring personal insecurities and expectations to a relationship. These concerns are expressed in the small details of everyday life, but may have severly negative effects. What menand women expect from a marriage contributes to the success or failure of your relationship. These 10 situations show how you might be personally sabotaging your marriage.

  • 1. Lack of appreciation

  • Never telling your spouse what you like about him or her takes its toll. If you stop pointing out the things you admire, it could cause distance between the two of you. Tell and show your appreciation. Try and be specific with your compliments. Saying, "I appreciate everything you do for me" is very general, and may not seem sincere. If you are feeling unappreciated, tell your spouse. This is something you can work on together.

  • 2. Ridicule and sarcasm

  • Humor should definitely be a part of your marriage. Laughing together is a great way to bring you closer to your spouse. But humor can also be hurtful. Jokes can quickly become sarcastic and harsh, instead of light and playful. If you are purposely targeting and ridiculing what your spouse says or does, this is harmful to your marriage. A spouse who is constantly sarcastic in every conversation and situation isn't being genuine. Don't depend on ridicule and sarcasm for your jokes.

  • 3. Disloyalty

  • Lies and secrets in a marriage create a lack of confidence and separation. Be loyal to your spouse. Do not flirt with others. Be open and honest in your marriage and strive for unity.

  • 4. Abrupt mood swings

  • We all need to learn to deal with problems in a calm and constructive way. Explosive behavior can be psychologically and emotionally damaging. This type of behavior chases away the happiness that should be a part of your marriage. Search for self-control, or get professional help to manage your reactions and behavior.

  • 5. Being selfish

  • If you are spending every extra minute you have for yourself or spending more money than you should on yourself, take a minute to consider your actions. Being married and having a family means you need to be fair with your time and your finances. Do not spend excess time at work if you know that your spouse needs you at home. Do not accumulate unnecessary debt. Make a budget that both of you agree with, and stick to it.

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  • 6. Defensive behavior

  • Your conversations should be respectful and polite. Marriage is about communication and understanding. If you are defensive and hostile, you will never be able to agree or reach a compromise. Learn to ask questions in order to more fully understand your spouse's point of view instead of attacking him or her with words.

  • 7. Courtesy and concern

  • Even if you don't believe in leaving the bathroom clean, your spouse might. Be considerate.

  • It is also important for you to take care of yourself. If you have constant headaches, stomach pains or extreme fatigue, for example, take action and see a doctor. Your health isn't just your responsibility anymore; your spouse wants you to be happy and healthy.

  • 8. Hesitation

  • Poor communication and hesitation go hand in hand. If you are afraid to talk to your spouse, things are left unspoken. That opens the door for assumption, which leads to incorrect judgments about what your spouse is thinking or feeling. Take initiative in your marriage and talk. Your relationship will not save itself if you are hesitant to be open.

  • 9. Unfair comparisons

  • If you are stuck in the mindset that all men are the same, or that all women are alike, you are making unfair comparisons. Just because a former relationship failed doesn't mean you need to doom your current relationship. Learn from past mistakes, but also learn to forgive yourself and others. Start fresh with this new relationship, and stop making unfair comparisons.

  • 10. Being negative

  • Do not talk negatively about your spouse — to anyone. Complaining only increases conflicts in your relationship. Try to look for the positive in your spouse; maybe they show love differently than you do. Learn their love language instead of being negative about it. Respect that your spouse is unique. Both of you have faults, but being negative toward your spouse will only cause harm.

  • In order for a marriage to succeed and be happy, you will both need to invest time, dedication, patience and faith. Strive to be persistent and positive, and fully commit to each other. Life brings enough external difficulties; don't let internal struggles destroy your marriage.

  • This article is a translation of the original article,"10 sinais de que você està destruindo seu casamento". It has been translated and republished with permission.

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C. A. Ayres is a mother, wife, author and photographer, with background in Journalism and Psychoanalysis.

Website: http://caayres.com/

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