The death of a marriage can be slow and subtle. One spouse (or both) often becomes silent, abandoning the small daily actions necessary to keep your marriage happy. Over time, things that once made your marriage strong begin to deteriorate. Here are eight signs that may point towards this serious situation.
1. Poor conversation
You and your spouse used to be able to talk for hours and hours. Now when you do talk, conversation is hollow and empty. Instead of carefree talks, conversation seems constantly strained or stressful.
2. Lack of interest
It was your shared interests that helped you and your spouse get together. Now, disinterest in your spouse, your marriage and your life together describes your relationship.
3. Physical Distance
Things may have slowed down since you were newlyweds, but now the romance has completely ended. No more surprise kisses, no holding hands when you are together, and no cuddling on the couch during a movie. Intimacy has become more and more infrequent, or no longer present at all.
4. Little or no effort to understand
When dissatisfaction is expressed, the situation is treated as annoying or unnecessary. Empathy is no longer present. There is a level of belittling feelings instead of caring or trying to understand what is being felt. Also, there is no motivation to seek a solution to the problem.
5. You are not a priority
More and more time is spent away from home and with other people. Whether it's time out with friends and coworkers, to weekend trips to spend time with a sister or mother, your spending time as a couple is not a priority. Time away from home may also be a disguise for another romantic relationship. Your spouse should always be the priority in your marriage, but that priority has been instead replaced with others.
It doesn't seem to matter what you talk about, because everything turns into an argument. It seems like you are fighting just to fight, instead of actually discussing or talking to one other.
7. Rudeness and disrespect
Compliments and positive comments have been replaced with criticism and rudeness. Negative comments about physical appearance, behaviors and people you associate with are more and more frequent. Generally, there is a constant lack of respect for both you and others.
Suddenly, there is an interest in a new hobby that doesn't allow you to participate. Though everyone needs his or her alone time, these new hobbies are intentionally created in order to spend more time away from you and away from home.
While both of you will change and become a little different throughout your marriage, these eight signs may hint that your marriage may be in danger of failing. But do not give up — there are ways to rebuild a strong, happy marriage. There is a reason you chose to get married; do everything you can to help get back the love that has been lost.
Each of you will need to work hard in order to save your marriage. Give everything possible to love again. Do it for yourself, do it for your children and for your family. There is nothing more beautiful and sacred than a well-structured and happy family.
Erika Strassburger is Brazilian, mother of three cute and funny boys. She earned a bachelor's degree in Business Administration 20 years ago. Now, she works as a freelance writer and translator. She loves oil painting and ventures sometimes in this artistic work.