You have lunches to pack, grocery shopping to do, dinner to prepare, kids to shuttle around, PTA meetings to attend ... That's not to mention your other responsibilities at work and church. So, at the end of a long day of working, wiping boogers and running errands, no one blames you for wanting to put your feet up.
But there's one problem. Your husband is feeling left out.
I know, I know. It sounds awfully selfish to ask you to give your husband a little more attention after you've had such an exhausting day. But your husband really does like your attention. And you actually need to give it to him just as much as he needs you to give it.
Being a wife is taking time for YOU
As a self-sacrificing mom, you spend a lot of time thinking about your kids. You put everyone else's needs before your own. This is good. It shows how big your heart is. But it's also draining to always be focusing on others.
As a wife, you get to focus on you. You're not just a mom — you're an adult. You're a woman. And as an adult woman, you deserve to be treated like one. Children just don't know how to do that. They only know how to treat you like a mom (e.g. asking you for help on homework). But your husband can treat you like an adult if you give him the chance.
It's true that your kids fill a special place in your heart, but hubby does too. The attention you get from your husband will nurture you in ways that your kids just can't. Taking time out for your husband gives him the opportunity to treat you like the unique individual you are, allowing you to feel special in your own individual way. Choose to feel loved not just as a mom but also as a strong adult woman.
Being a wife is as important (if not more important) than being a mom
As mentioned before, you sacrifice a lot of your time and energy for the sake of your kids, and your husband really appreciates you for it. But being a good mom also means being a good wife. Your kids look up to you as an example of what to be like when they grow up. They look to you as they define what it means to be a woman and be in a relationship. As the mother of your children, your husband is counting on you to show your kids how to love, to be dedicated and to have successful marriages. If you're forgetting about your husband, you're not showing your kids an example of what a good marriage looks like, and you're not showing them what true love looks like.
Remembering your husband is good for you, it's good for the kids and it's also good for your husband. Your husband deserves to feel loved just as much as you and your kids do. It's a wonderful feeling to be a mom, but neglecting your husband makes your marriage hollow, and that won't do much good for anyone.
Your husband wants to show you that he loves you, and he wants you to show him back. It's tough when life is busy, but give it a shot. You'll find it's a lot more fun than that PTA meeting.
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO. He is a writer, speaker and relationship expert. Checkout his blog for expert information on how to improve your relationship.