Editor's note: This article was originally published on Lindsey Bell's blog. It has been modified and republished here with permission.
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
It's the day when men and women all over the world light candles in memory of the babies they have lost.
I lit four candles in memory of Eden, Jesse, Ella, and Jadon.
Each of these four babies holds a piece of my heart. A piece that no matter how much time passes, I won't ever get back.
Some people assume that miscarriage or babyloss grief will go away with time. And, yes, in a way the pain has lessened. But it won't ever go away. There will always be a part of me that longs for my babies I never got to hold.
If someone you know has recently lost a baby, there are so many things you can do to help. Here are just a few:
How to help someone who has lost a baby
1. Do something in memory of her baby
After each of our losses, our friends and family stepped in and did amazing things to show us how much they cared.
A blanket in memory of the baby
A garden, plant, or tree
A shadow box for ultrasound pictures or other mementos
A poem or letter to the baby
2. Allow her to feel whatever she is feeling
If she's angry, let her be angry. If she's crying uncontrollably, let her cry. (Be a shoulder for her to cry on.) You can't fix this for her. She needs to feel these emotions (even the emotions she doesn't want to feel) so that she can work through them.
Some of the most difficult days for babyloss survivors are:
The Due Date
The Anniversary of Loss
The Day She Finds Out She is Pregnant Again
The Day She Finds Out Other People are Pregnant Again
The Times When People Ask Her How Many Kids She Has
People sometimes hesitate to say anything to babyloss survivors because they don't want to bring it up and cause more pain. Here's the thing, though. We are most likely already thinking about it, so you're not bringing up something that is far from our minds.