As a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, do you feel the need to defend yourself in the midst of the "mommy wars?"
If you are defending yourself, you are likely trying to protect yourself from harm. But the question is, what harm and who is causing it?
Let's talk about WHO the enemy is in this fight, who started the war, and how to end the battle.
Who is the enemy?
Anytime we feel the need to defend ourselves, it is because somewhere inside of us shame is lurking and waiting to attack. Shame convinces you there is something wrong with you.
That you have something to be ashamed about.
That you are not as worthy as someone else.
Anyone who feels the need to attack someone is trying to divert away from their own shame. Likewise, when we feel the need to defend ourselves, we are believing the lie of shame.
Think about it, if you were at complete peace with yourself and your decisions, would you feel as defensive? Would you feel attacked, or would you feel a little more... untouchable? Would you perhaps also be able to adopt the mindset of "live and let live," which would keep you from feeling the need to attack others?
Who started this war?
Shame and self-doubt are best friends, rarely seen apart. If you are a mom, you have likely experienced your share of self-doubt. Working through self-doubt is practically in the job description of motherhood. Working mom, stay-at-home mom, and every mom in between experiences moments of doubt. Moms question their parenting, who they are as a person and how well they are navigating the mysterious journey of motherhood.
The mommy wars began and are perpetuated by each mother's self-doubt. Self-doubt is a painful experience. That's what makes the mommy wars so painful – it is a war inside of you. A war between feeling peaceful and feeling worthless.
Jealousy also rushed to the battlefield, not to be outdone by shame and doubt.
Let's face it. There are aspects of both choices that are rather appealing especially when you do without them. It goes back to, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." When jealousy rears its ugly head, no one wins.
Can we end this war?
You can end this war for yourself. If you can debunk the shame and face self-doubt, you can replace them with confidence and peace. With the instigator and enemy lurking within you, you have direct access to them.
Don't fool yourself into thinking that putting another woman down will give you confidence in your choice. Only you can access and establish your personal peace.
If each woman can face the enemy within her, she will be in a better place to help her fellow moms find peace as well.
You are a mom. You are a survivor of sleepless night, tantrums, picky eaters, rebellious children, and let's not forget the difficulty of facing your own personal fears as you raise a child. Choose today to look for the good in yourself and the good in other moms making a different choice than you. Love yourself, so you can love others. Appreciate the perks you have, and be happy for the benefits others enjoy. Make peace with yourself, so you can increase peace among women.
Molly Freestone is a Life Coach focusing on motherhood, phase of life-transitions, home success, and improving relationships. She offers coach-by-phone programs and delights in watching her clients create a satisfying life. www.mollyfreestone.com