"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Can't seem to resist the urge to tell others how your ex screwed up your life? Well, first off, we get it. Your ex hurt you — badly. But as harsh and unsympathetic as this is going to sound, you really need to understand what you're doing to yourself by bad-mouthing your ex.
Your heart suffers —literally
When you talk trash about your ex, you're actually negatively affecting your heart. A great majority of the time, the source of bad-mouthing is anger, and anger sends your body into "fight or flight" mode. According to WebMD, the fight or flight mode induces stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that "speed up your heart rate and breathing and give you a burst of energy. Blood pressure also rises as your blood vessels constrict." So, how many times in a day are you sending your heart into a panic because of your bad-mouthing? How quickly are you on your way to a heart attack because you can't speak kindly?
When you speak trash, you have to wear trash
This is a saying my great-aunt once told me. Think about your self-image. What do the people around you think or say about you because of all the hurtful things you say constantly about your ex? You lower your standards when you speak badly about others, therefore, you look low. Not your ex. Rise above your anger and show your greatness by being respectful (and, yes, maybe even kind) when it comes to topics about your ex. If you find out that your ex is bad-mouthing you, simply ignore his or her inability to communicate what's really going on — that they are hurting.
You're giving the impression that you'll never move on
You might be shouting, "I have moved on! I've got a great person now!" But really, have you? Quite frankly if you can't hold a conversation with someone without talking trash on your ex, you really haven't moved on. Your ex is still on your mind because your ex is still on your tongue. If you find yourself starting to bad-mouth your ex, stop yourself. Say, "I'm sorry. I'm trying not to do that anymore," and move on in your conversation. This will take practice, but you will get there.
As my great aunt told me, "Honey, you gotta rip that trash off and stop speaking trash. People only speak trash because they are trash. Rise above the hurt, and learn how to move on with your head held up high."