Do these pants make me look fat? The question itself has become a rather tacky punchline on an equally tacky TV show. Being fat is not funny if you are the one overweight. Neither is having a spouse who has become noticeably overweight or even obese.
Chubby, plump, portly, rotund, chunky, well-rounded, well-upholstered, supper- sized – all cute little euphuisms we use to put a smile on being fat. And more often than not, fat is turning into obesity. And obesity is killing those we love.
Why you should tell your wife to lose weight
Her health is at stake. Is there a better or more important reason than this? The risk of disease increases, and the chance for recovery decreases with every extra pound. It takes more effort to breathe, and it is just as hard to move. That lack of movement leads to heightened depression — and here we go again.
Her death or impairment will affect the people she loves. Children? Grandchildren? Beloved family? Tell her how you will feel if she is taken from you because of weight or complications from obesity. Spell it out for her; This may very well cause her death.
She doesn't look as good as she used to, or you are no longer sexually attracted to her. Hold up a minute. Man to man: She has given you children who have come out of her body that has gone through incredible hormonal changes and disrupted life as she knew it. Respectfully, good sir: put a sock in it.
Better answer: Because you love her, and you want what is best for her.
When to tell your wife to lose weight
There is no good time to come out and say it, and there are no magic words.
Good times to not say it? When she is getting ready to go out; when she is feeling down or depressed; when her family is coming to visit, or her reunion is in a week. Leave the unsolicited feedback alone. For heaven sake, man, be sensitive.
Being sensitive, however, will not make the bitter pill any easier for her to swallow. She will hear something completely different when you tell her she is overweight.
She will hear, "You are no longer attractive to me." Remember that. Consider what you are really saying and why you are saying it. With that in mind:
When to not tell her
You are a wise man for taking this route. As you well know, you are not the all-knowing keeper of truth and wisdom. You aren't telling her anything your wife doesn't know or that she hasn't seen in the mirror every day. Slow down and get off your high horse. Poor horse, probably exhausted from carrying your tub of lard around.
Wait for her to bring it up a time or two. Acknowledge that you would like to be more healthy, too.
Then, if it seems right, ask what her health goal is. Let her tell you what she wants to do about it. Does she want you to help with the cooking or your support by not bringing home fast food? Does she need an exercise partner? What if she feels silly working out alone. Are you willing to go with her?
Ask what you can do to help. Chances are you aren't a skinny mini, either. Walking or improving your collective diet will benefit you both.
Here are a few things to remember:
Stop telling her, reminding her or nagging at her. Instead, lead by example. Buy that bag of carrots instead of the yummy chicken-flavored death crackers.
Sacrifice is giving up something good (yummy chicken-flavored death crackers) for something better (living).
Don't bring her weight up during dinner. And don't take her to a restaurant, and then remind her she is on a diet.
Eat healthy yourself. Her health problem is yours as well. You don't have to stop eating, but certainly don't eat that hot fudge sundae in front of her.
Go for walks and invite her along. You are a team.
Being overweight is no laughing matter — unless you find that humor can help you through difficult situations. Lighter hearts move faster.
What you will really be saying is this; You are important to me. I want to spend time with you. Can we do this together?