9 absurd reasons your toddler might be crying right now

Is your toddler crying for no good reason that you can think of? Oh, there's a reason, alright — and an adorably irrational one at that.

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  • I remember the advice we got when we were newly married —

  • "Have kids! You'll love it! Life isn't complete without the pitter-patter of little feet. There's nothing like being a mom."

  • Then, once we finally had the kids, the advice kept on coming.

  • "Cherish every moment. They grow up too fast. Someday you'll look back and miss all this."

  • I believe the people who say this stuff. Really, truly I do. But if a magic genie granted me one wish, I would seriously consider making my kids skip ages 2-4. I probably wouldn't go through with it, but the thought would certainly cross my mind.

  • We all know our toddlers are a wee bit dramatic at times. I'm sure we've all seen the perfectly angelic 2-year-olds sitting primly with their parents at restaurants, but my kids certainly don't fall under that category. If you have a perfect toddler, this list is not for you. The rest of us can commiserate together.

  • If your toddler is as manic as mine, here are 9 bona fide reasons he might be crying right now. These are legit toddler episodes, people. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I've included some helpful commentary outlining what I'm pretty sure our kids must be thinking ... maybe. After all, the toddler mind is a scary place.

  • 1. I woke up

  • "Yeah, I got up well before the crack of dawn. No one woke me up — I decided to do it all by myself. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it, though. Here, let me demonstrate how tired I still am while simultaneously refusing to go back to sleep."

  • 2. Mom told me I couldn't wear plaid shorts, a Hawaiian shirt and a beanie in the middle of January

  • "I believe in the right of self-expression! Let them wear plaid, or eat cake, or whatever that quote is. My mother is an evil tyrant and the fashion police all rolled up into one. I have no idea what she means by, 'catch my death of cold.' I'm with Elsa — the cold never bothered me. Elsa's my hero. Hey, let's watch Elsa for the 50,000th time this week!"

  • 3. I want to go bye-bye. Now!

  • "You cannot take my brother to school and leave me behind. You just can't. I don't care if you're running late and I insist on putting on my own shoes slower than a slug. I'm going, and that's final. Period. End of discussion. (See, I can sound just like you!)"

  • 4. You can't leave my brother at school!

  • "Wait! No! This wasn't part of the deal! Who am I going to play with? We won't fight anymore, promise. Well, at least not for the next 30 seconds."

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  • 5. Grocery. Shopping.

  • "Nooooooo! I'd rather starve!"

  • 6. But I don't want a nap!

  • "I don't care if I'm tired. I don't care if I'm acting like an angry boar. I don't care if you want five minutes away from my whining. I will not nap. You're doomed to rock, wrestle, and fetch me water endlessly if you want any TV time."

  • 7. You got me up?!

  • "But I just fell asleep! I don't care about picking up my brother from school. Leave him there. All he does is fight with me anyways."

  • 8. The peas touched the potatoes

  • "Call FEMA! Declare my dinner plate a superfund site. This is a disaster! You're crazy if you think I'm touching that, so go throw it away. Hey, while you're up, can you get me some chicken nuggets?"

  • 9. Stick a fork in me — I'm done

  • "Can we cuddle for a while? It's been a hard day. This growing up stuff is serious business. Hey, thanks. Rocking makes it all better."

  • OK, OK. This is all pretty cute. Maybe we shouldn't loan our toddlers to the zoo just yet. If you happen upon a genie, ask for a million bucks instead, and let your little munchkin stick around. After all, he's not so bad — when he's sleeping.

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Heather Hale is a fourth-generation Montanan and mom to three crazy boys.

Website: http://moderatelycrunchy.blogspot.com

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