10 ways to guarantee you'll end up on the couch tonight
We all mess up in marriage occasionally, though some mistakes lead to more uncomfortable consequences than others. Here are 10 ways to guarantee that you'll be spending a lonesome night sleeping on the couch instead of your bed.
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Tossing and turning at night is never fun, and especially when it comes to marriage disputes, a good night's sleep isn't always a sure thing. The best night's sleep certainly doesn't involve sleeping on a springy couch, but if you make the following mistakes in your relationship, that just might be where you'll end up for the night.
Here's a list of 10 ways to guarantee that you'll be getting a lousy night's sleep on the couch instead of your comfortably plush bed.
1. Confide in others about marital issues
Go straight to your mom and let out some steam about a recent squabble, then tell your spouse the counsel that mom suggested for your relationship. After all, mother knows best.
2. Complain when it comes to favors
If your spouse asks you to do something you're not particularly excited about, (grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, etc.) comply with the request, but act as if they might as well be asking for your left arm.
3. Spend money freely on yourself
Spend freely on yourself but be stingy with the funds when it comes to what your spouse wants. Who in the world needs a juicing machine, anyway?
4. Refuse to own up to your mistakes
If your spouse is upset at a particular behavior you exhibit, start blaming them for their imperfections instead of apologizing. If there is no way to avoid an apology, see the next point.
5. Offer a non-apology apology during arguments
For example, "I'm sorry, but..." and go ahead with your excuses.
6. Dismiss their feelings
Tell your spouse they are overreacting if they are upset about something you've done. They'll get over it, eventually.
7. Never listen
If your spouse is confiding in you or expressing concern about some problems in their life, pretend to listen but tune them out and keep watching Netflix. Just nod your head and say "uh huh" occasionally, and hope they don't ask you any questions.
8. Be as messy as you were in your college dorm room
Let the dirty dishes pile up in the sink until you can't even turn the faucet on. Don't throw your clothes in the hamper — just throw them in that general area. And finally, leave all shavings scattered around the sink and bathroom countertop and "clean up" by casually brushing them on the floor.
If your house is nice and tidy when you arrive home, throw your stuff on the floor as soon as you walk through the door and turn on the TV. If you want to increase the intensity of the situation, ask why dinner isn't ready.
10. Put them down in front of others
Make your spouse the butt of your jokes at the next Christmas party you attend. Tease them by bringing up their embarrassing moments or habits as a way to give everyone around you a good laugh, and your next night's sleep is certain to be an uncomfortable one.
If you prefer a soft bed as opposed to cushions that separate from beneath you while you sleep and silence instead of being woken up by screaming children and your barking dog, it's best to make sure these 10 guarantees aren't a regular part of your relationship. Your spouse (and your back) will thank you for it.
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