When your boyfriend claims to love you, but his actions speak differently

The words "I love you" are easy to say, but demonstrating love through actions? That's what really speaks volumes.

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  • As a young woman in my early 20s, all I wanted was to give and receive unconditional love. At one point, I thought I had it. I later realized what my boyfriend was showing me was not love. Disrespect and lies overtook the relationship. He preferred to spend his time with friends — not with me. He was often rude, dishonest and unkind, but when I mentioned these things, he disregarded them by accusing me of paranoia and promising that "he definitely loved me." After a long, back-and-forth battle with my emotions, I decided to make a move. I walked away from the relationship.

  • Not every woman chooses to leave an unhealthy relationship, especially when she has invested her heart and soul in it. However, while departure is difficult, it can be done. If a man truly loves a woman, he is respectful, loving, caring and understanding (read "Is he in love with you? 7 ways you can tell"). Unfortunately, there are cases when the opposite is true, so it is essential to compare what your boyfriend says with what he does. Here are five ways your boyfriend may not be loving you — even though he claims to.

  • Verbally/physically abusive

  • Your boyfriend has no issues with embarrassing you in public, in front of family/friends or behind closed doors. He insults you. He belittles your ideas. He raises his hand at you. He threatens you. He criticizes what you wear and compares you to other women.

  • Puts up excuses

  • Your boyfriend finds excuses every time you suggest meeting your family after several months of dating. He appears uneasy or annoyed that you would suggest that. He refuses to make a serious commitment with you. If you mention marriage and a family of your own, he cringes or avoids the topic.

  • Lacks interest in your needs

  • You would like for your boyfriend to take part in some of your activities or just show support by rooting for you on the sidelines. Instead, he is only concerned with his activities, ignoring your needs. He doesn't believe in or support your goals or successes.

  • Lies

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  • Your boyfriend lies to you because "he is afraid of your reaction," or "he doesn't want to hurt your feelings." Those are just excuses for lying. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will let you in on the truth. He will respect you enough to trust you with the truth. He'd rather see you hurt by the truth than see you hurt by a lie.

  • Constantly chooses others over you

  • Your boyfriend spends most of his time with friends and very little time with you. You find that your boyfriend rushes dates so he can meet up with friends.

  • Any man can say the words "I love you," but it is a man's actions that show whether or not his love is sincere.

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Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.

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