You hear various types of divorce stories. Some divorces end amicably and some end dreadfully. Along with the stories come myths that are not necessarily true in all divorces. Each couple who has divorced or is in the process does not go through the same emotions.
I divorced my first husband many years ago because love no longer existed. The blame was not put on one person; we were both to blame. Marriage was just not for us. But, our divorce was respectful. Nevertheless, not every divorce ends the same way.
Though each divorce ends differently, here are five common myths of divorce:
Having children will prevent divorce
It is never a wise decision to have a child as a way to prevent a divorce from happening. Two things can occur: there is no divorce but both parties are noticeably unhappy or the divorce takes place anyway. When a married couple has exhausted all options to save their marriage and divorce is the only way out, then let it take its course. Having a child to hold onto a spouse is irresponsible and selfish. Children are a blessing, not a game.
Disagreements always lead to divorce
Most couples argue. My husband and I argue, but it doesn't mean we have divorce in mind. Having disagreements once in a while is only natural. Couples share differences of opinions and have every right to express them. Opinions may lead to an argument. However, when couples truly love each other and respect one another, they pull back from the disagreement. Many people fail to understand marriages are not always a fairy tale, though there are many fairy tale moments. Disagreements are inevitable, but not always the reason for divorce.
Divorce is always expensive
Not all divorces are expensive. Many couples choose to handle their divorce outside of court. They hire lawyers that will help them set up a mutual agreement. That approach reduces the costs of divorce.
Children will always stay with the mother
For the most part, children do stay with the mother. But this is not always the case. A mother doesn't have to be unstable or incapable to handle her child to lose custody. If the judge handling the divorce case decides the child is in better hands with the father, the mother will lose custody. Moreover, once a child is of a certain age (each state has a specific age), he or she can decide who he or she wants to live with. It's best when a couple makes all divorce decisions between them as a way to avoid risking losing full custody of the child.
No, divorce is not always one person's fault. Most divorces are the result of both people. For example, if the man cheats on his wife, the wife is immediately blamed for his infidelity. She does not keep him happy. That's an unfair statement. Sometimes a couple just outgrows each other, and they understand they cannot live together.
When love and respect no longer thrive in your marriage, and you have exhausted every possible option to save your marriage, then divorce is the next step. But when the time comes to divorce, work toward a mature and respectful agreement. Try not to believe in the myths.
Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.