For the most part, it does not come as a surprise to us when we hear about men who are afraid of making a lifetime commitment. But many of us give an entirely different reaction when we hear a woman is afraid of commitment.
Today's women are skeptical about saying, "I do." Some women are against marriage because their parents went through a divorce or because they simply prefer to live a single life. For example, many women are career driven and less interested in marrying and forming families. Marriage and kids are not a priority — or not even on the agenda — and these women are comfortable with that idea.
Before marrying for the second time, I hesitated. I did not want to experience the lies and infidelity all over again. In addition, I didn't want to feel the pressure to have children because I do not embrace motherhood. But after having a serious conversation with my then boyfriend, I decided to marry again, and he respected my feelings.
Marriage is scary to many women, but instead of confronting their fears, they choose to avoid the topic altogether. Here are four reasons women fear marriage and why they may not need to:
You do not want to deal with a lying, cheating man. You experienced a bad relationship, and now you are on pins and needles with the next relationship. Unfortunately, you believe all men are the same. Men are liars, cheaters and full of deceit. You'd rather be alone or just date without any strings attached. This way you can avoid hurt. But what you need to understand is that not all men are the same. You can find a man who respects and complements you like you complement him.
Becoming a mother
The pressure of becoming a mother can be overwhelming. You know you do not want children — at least not at the moment. However, you know your parents would love to have grandchildren, and your future in-laws most likely want grandchildren as well. If you know you are not ready to have children or do not want children, you need to tell the person you are with. This is a conversation you need to have before marriage. If he loves you and respects your decision, then there's nothing to fear. Just because you do not want to have children doesn't mean you cannot marry the man of your dreams.
If you marry, you suspect the wonderful relationship you now share with your boyfriend will take a turn for the worse. Sometimes marriage changes attitudes and priorities. Sometimes a woman can lose track of what she once envisioned for herself to satisfy her husband's dreams/goals and family life. You do not have to lose track of who you are and what you want. You can do it all. It's just a matter of balancing everything out.
Even though you love the man you are with, different religious beliefs can hinder your decision to marry. You are firm on your beliefs. The idea of accommodating someone else's beliefs does not seem reasonable. If you find yourself in this predicament, tell your partner how you feel. Maybe your partner doesn't want you to change your beliefs but to simply understand his.
Try not to go through life assuming every relationship will have the same results. Every relationship, every person, is different. You need to tell your partner how you feel about marriage and include your fears. Be honest and communicate.
Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.