"Someday my prince will come..." are the words sung by Adriana Caselotti in Disney's movie, "Snow White." In her sweet voice, she describes our childhood dream of a prince who is handsome, meant just for us, loves us madly and carries us away from trouble to a safe and beautiful castle. Cinderella was right, "A dream is a wish your heart makes."
Eagerly, we grow up hoping for a prince on a white horse while dating skinny boys with acne who had to borrow their mom's car. Eventually one of those skinny boys grew into manhood, stole our heart and we began to build our own kingdom together. But did you find your happily ever after?
As the years pass we come to accept what is and let go of childish dreams. But still, somewhere deep inside, many of us carried a dream, just a little wish for something more.
If you could open your heart and search its dusty hidden places, what would your dream be? Could you find the courage to dust it off and ask your husband or partner to make it come true? Do you wonder if you want the same thing other women want?
I asked women to tell me what they secretly wished but were afraid to ask for. The most consistent answer included someone who is trustworthy and does loving things. One woman said she loved most when her husband, "...holds me at the end of a long hard day and loves me unconditionally."
Rita Watson, MPH in a Psychology Today article listed the top four romantic wishes of women and men. She said the number one romantic wish women had was to be in a loving and committed relationship or, "Essentially women believe in a 'we' relationship rather than an 'I' relationship."
Rita went on to quote Randi Gunther, Ph.D."'We' is a state of mind and heart. It means that wherever one partner is, the other is present in their thoughts. Partners who consider themselves a 'we' act that way. When you talk to partners who live with and in the heart of their beloved, you experience that commitment in every way they present themselves. They communicate a pride in belonging to their partner. It's a powerful feeling of 'us' over anyone or anything else."
So how do we find that "we" state of mind? We find a safe partner and spouse that we trust. Trinity shared what she wanted. She said, "Loyalty and compassion." Loyalty, fidelity, trust and integrity; all are a part of a safe relationship.
Alice, Andrea and others talked about their secret desire to be spoiled, but also safe. Andrea said, "I think, for me, it is to be babied once in a while. Not to be waited on or anything but to be offered a massage, the chance to take a nap, just an hour of feeling like the whole world isn't on your shoulders ..." Alice offered, "Two things: once in a while to be taken care of like Andrea said. And two: that I need 'me' time." Trish loved it when her partner helped in the house and supported her.
Janet talked about commitment and the deep investment that comes with it. Chelle believes in being adored. Jubilee shared her appreciation for her husband's willingness to just let her chat his ears off and not judge her for it. Bernice wants time and understanding. Different requests with the same theme — safety and love.
Brene Brown author of "The Power of Vulnerability" talked about connection, which is something we all crave, and how to live wholeheartedly. She said, "People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of it." She also said that shame and fear keep us from feeling worthy of love and belonging. When we are safe, we can be authentic. When we are authentic and vulnerable, there is opportunity for connection.
Brene explained that, "...What makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful," She ends her talk with, "...to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee...to practice gratitude and joy....to believe that we're enough...when we work from a place that says I am enough, then we stop screaming and start listening. We're kinder and gentler to the people around us and to ourselves." In other words, by being vulnerable we are seen and see others from an authentic and truthful place. Knowing each other better leads to more compassion and empathetic behavior.
So how can we find that safe place in our Prince Charming's arms? Maybe we have to take a risk and ask. Oprah Winfrey said, "You get from this life what you have the courage to ask for."
"We" is a state of mind. Maybe it is time we asked ourselves for what we need. What do you need? Is there a secret wish you carry deep in your heart?
Maybe today is the day to find your courage, be vulnerable and share your authentic self and dreams. You never know. Maybe, just maybe, if you share your wish, the answer will be yes and your dreams will come true. And maybe, just maybe, you will find out your partner has a wish and a dream of his own.
Shannon Symonds, Author of Safe House due to be released July 2017 by Cedar Fort, has 15 years experience working as an Advocate for victims of domestic and sexual violence while raising 6 children in Seaside Oregon. She loves to write, run and Laugh