Why you should be okay doing uncomfortable things in front of your husband
We may hold back farting in front of our girlfriends, or even strangers in the public restroom, but marriage is different. A solid marriage needs to be a safe place, a cozy spot of acceptance, honesty, and truth. Cherish that freedom and be yourself.
Even after being married for over twenty years, my husband still remembers the first time I ever farted in front of him. It changed our relationship. He retells the story of that moment with vigor, excitement, and untamed joy saying, "The second you farted in front of me was the first time I thought, 'Yes! I want to marry this woman!'" Seriously, it meant that much to him. I only recall this milestone because of his memory; however, I know that it had to be an accidental fart because I'd certainly been holding back any poofs in our earliest courting days.
As soon as I crossed the Toot-Line, that non-deliberate fart gave him permission to fart in front of me as well. This could be seen as a deterrent, arguing against my assertion that you should fart in front of your husband, but a solid marriage needs to be a safe place, a cozy spot of acceptance, honesty, and truth. Where else in the world can you be totally, unconditionally, wholly you? Cherish that freedom and the license to be yourself right down to the littlest details.
Marriage is unlike other relationships. We all have our bestest girl friends, sisters, cousins, aunts, and mothers, but we hold it in for them. I don't know of any woman who farts around her girlfriends. We're even shy about passing gas in a public restroom if there's anyone else in the room, aren't we? Women in book clubs or on school committees don't flatulate around each other. Even women living as college roommates or best friends on a road trip don't intentionally fart together. Women hide it with others. We hold it, we wait, we excuse ourselves to be alone. But, with our husbands, we should go for it! Let her rip!
Farting is natural and healthy, and it's not natural or healthy in a strong union to ignore or hide a part of who you are. You share your intimate personal story, home, coffee, body, and toothpaste with your man -- why not share breaking wind, too? It's as normal as tears, laughter, and turning your head at a chirp from your phone.
Biologically speaking, Dr. Oz says that it's not dangerous to hold in your poots, but it can cause abdominal pains, bloating, and cramps - all for no good reason. It's a scientific fact that women and men pass the same amount of gas in a day - almost a half a liter. (It's going to have to come out sometime.) Plus, if the guy's going to see you give birth and have your boobs leak, he better be able to embrace a little puffer. Or a big one.
In a way, farting in front of someone is a test of how far the relationship will go. Are you able to be 100% who you are, stinks and all? My husband says of my first fart, "I loved that you let me into a different personal space. When you have to hold it in, it hurts, and when you're sharing your life with someone, share it all. You don't want it to hurt." See why I'm married to him?
For better for worse, in sickness and in health, we vowed to stick together through the tough stuff along with the happy times. Marriages survive unimaginable losses and staggering pains, and struggle through illnesses and disasters. Make your marriage enduring and steady by being completely and honestly you. Give of yourself freely, and welcome all of your husband generously, to build and grow a worthy foundation.
Farting in front of your husband is a way of demonstrating your closeness and your intimate connection. Besides, farts are just plain funny. Couples who fart together, laugh together, and if you can laugh together, you've got the stuff of a great relationship.
Share your farting tales. Do you remember the first time you farted in front of your husband? How did he react? Are you still holding them in?
Leah DeCesare, author of Naked Parenting: 7 Keys to Raising Kids with Confidence, is a mother of three and married 20 years. She writes between car pools and laundry. For the past 13 years, her career has focused on birth, babies, and early parenting