No thanks: 6 bits of marriage advice you can live without

When someone gives you terrible marriage advice, you have two choices - you either accept it or you ignore it.

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  • When I gave the news to family, friends and co-workers that I was marrying for the second time, my family was supportive. But a couple of my friends and co-workers did not share the same sentiment. They were adamant I was making another mistake, and it was a waste of time. Even though I was surprised to hear that, I moved forward with it. And I am proud to say it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

  • Marriage is not for everyone. Many people enjoy the single life. In some cases, people experienced a challenging marriage, which terrified them to the point they never wanted to marry again. It is understandable that we all have our fears and doubts about things, including marriage. But sharing negative marriage advice is not the way to go about discussing the topic with your friend or family member. As an alternative, be open-minded and supportive.

  • When someone shares the good news that he is getting married or is considering getting married, avoid saying the following:

  • Don’t ever get married

  • That is the worse advice you can possibly give someone. This advice is ridiculous coming from someone who has yet to marry. You cannot base your opinions on what you hear or see because every marriage and experience is completely different. Unless you’ve been married before, you shouldn’t tell someone to never go through with it. If you’ve been married before, and your marriage brought nothing but heartache, you still shouldn’t tell someone to never marry. That is not your choice. If, by chance, they ask for your opinion, then share some knowledge. However, when you do so, be polite and not discouraging.

  • People never change

  • This has some truth to it. Some people never change. However, there are cases where marriage does humble a person and shows him another side to life. At first, my husband was skeptical to ask my hand in marriage because his earlier marriage was a not-so-good experience. He thought every relationship afterwards was going to be the same thing. When he realized our relationship was not like the others, he changed his perceptive on marriage. When someone wants to change, they will. And sometimes, marriage can bring the best out of a person.

  • You can’t have friends of the opposite sex

  • Unless you know something unethical is going on, there is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex — as long as your friends know they are just friends. Saying this only shows a lack of maturity and trust.

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  • At all times, you must serve your husband

  • During my grandmother’s generation, the man would work and the wife would stay home cleaning and taking care of the children, among other tasks. The men came home to a hot meal and all of their needs met. Being a stay-at-home mom is not an easy job. So serving your husband at all times while your needs are not considered is a bit much to absorb. Your needs are just as important as your husband’s. In today’s generation, and for the most part, if both husband and wife are working hard, they divide the responsibilities and catering. For example, whoever gets home first will start dinner (if both spouses know how to cook) or one cooks and the other does the dishes. A couple of days the husband will pick up the kids at school and the other days the wife will. The husband cleans the house while the wife goes food shopping.

  • Even if you don’t agree with your wife, do so just to please her

  • No, that is wrong. Women know when their husbands are just agreeing with them to end an argument. Most men despise arguments, but lying is just adding more trouble. If you do not approve of something, speak your mind. My husband does. A man who can respectfully disagree is admirable.

  • Once you have children, say goodbye to your life as you know it

  • Yes, when you do have children, your life does change. However, it’s not a change for the worse. It’s a change for the better. Your God blessed you with children, and now it is your turn to pamper them with love, care and tenderness. There is always date night. So, your life may shift in a different direction, but it is not over.

  • Do not impose your negative experiences or lack of experience simply to talk someone out of marriage. Instead, congratulate the person and wish them the best. Share the person’s happiness because what doesn’t work for you may work for him. Here are 25 awesome wedding tips.

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Mayra Colón is a freelance writer, former independent author and avid reader. She holds a MBA from the University of Phoenix and completed the Freelance Writing and Selling Online course from Rutgers University of Arts and Sciences.

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