What to do if you're attracted to someone besides your spouse

Every precaution must be taken to protect your marriage. Avoiding romantic attractions at work is an important step in keeping your marriage safe and strong.

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  • With more women in the work force the opportunity to meet new and exciting people of the opposite sex is greater than ever, for both men and women. Temptations abound, but will go nowhere unless you allow it. Everyone needs to recognize that they are in control of what happens in the development of any relationship. They can nip it in the bud or tease it along until it becomes overpowering.

  • It can be flattering to have someone new notice you and compliment you. It can give the kind of boost that releases endorphins in the brain, creating a high. This kind of high can be life threatening to a marriage. Like an illegal drug, it must be avoided at all cost.

  • Here are some tips to help you avoid falling into this trap.

  • 1. Remember your wedding day

  • Review what it was that brought you and your spouse together. Remembering can keep your attraction for each other fresh and alive.

  • 2. Start your day with a meaningful kiss from your spouse

  • , not just a peck. Then proceed by thinking about your spouse throughout the day, remembering the sweetness of that kiss. Make mental notes of things you love about her or him. Keep a picture of your honey on your desk or some other prominent place where you can see it often, and where others can see it and know you are married and proud of it. Call or text your sweetheart with an endearing message while you’re at work. This simple act can keep you focused on your marriage partner. A spicy reply from him or her can give you a high better than anyone else. Return the favor. Help each other keep focused on your devotion to each other.

  • 3. Keep private things private

  • Do not discuss private matters with fellow workers of the opposite sex, particularly if you’re having struggles in your marriage. They don’t need to know. Too many people have been drawn into affairs because they shared intimate feelings. In an effort to comfort you they may become too cozy, even physical, which can lead to disaster.

  • 4. No flirting

  • When someone flirts with you, don’t flirt back. Be sure you are never one to initiate the flirting. Leave that to the single folks. Never be drawn into it. It is a violation of your marriage vows. No one ever had an affair without first promoting it with a come-on look or a too-friendly embrace. Keep the hugs and the flirty looks for your spouse.

  • 5. Don’t go to lunch or dinner alone with someone of the opposite sex

  • It may seem innocent, but is far too intimate. Being alone often leads to sharing private intimate details. Include others to protect yourself, or don’t go.

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  • Here are some tips to help you get out of the trap if you’ve already stepped in it.

  • 1. Recognize that you have a serious problem that must be resolved

  • It isn’t an innocent thing. It’s dead serious. People who play around with out-of-marriage attractions may think it’s just for fun, thinking it won’t really go anywhere, are kidding themselves. At the very least, they can suffer disappointment and embarrassment. At the very most they can ruin their marriage and emotionally harm themselves and their children.

  • 2. Stop the relationship immediately

  • Avoid being where the person you’re attracted to is, even if it means finding different employment. If you think that’s too costly a step to take, compare it with the loss of your family. That would be the far greater loss. Do whatever it takes to put yourself out of temptation’s way. If you had a drinking problem you wouldn’t solve it by hanging out in a bar. This is no different. Put yourself far away from the temptation.

  • 3. Say the words, “It's over!”

  • If the person keeps pursuing you, tell him or her to stop it. And don’t back down. Be completely done with it, making it perfectly clear that this relationship is over.

  • 4. Put your full devotion toward your spouse

  • Work at doing the three steps above regarding how to avoid falling into the trap. In addition, notice every good thing you can think of about your spouse and start building your marriage again. No one can gain lasting happiness from an affair, but they certainly can from creating a loving marriage.

  • 5. Pray for help in staying faithful to your spouse

  • . God ordained marriage and He wants yours to be happy and lasting. Seek his help in daily prayer. He’s your most reliable cheerleader.

  • To conclude

  • As marriage partners, live your lives in a way that creates trust. You simply know you can trust your spouse to be faithful to you. Do this and temptation doesn’t stand a chance.

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Gary Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Joy is a writer. Together they author books on relationships.

Website: http://garyjoylundberg.com

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