After experiencing much in the world of marriage, I came to the conclusion it was my obligation to share my experiences with other couples suffering with the decision of divorce.
I want to share with you, what I believe, are the main reasons couples have a really difficult time keeping a marriage together.
You’ll notice as you look over these eight reasons, there is nothing which seems too serious on the list. None of these items is really that big of a deal at first glance.
Let’s take them one at a time.
It’s up to each of us as individuals to keep boredom from creeping into our lives. It’s not the job of your spouse to keep you entertained or to adjust everything he or she is doing in order to keep you happy all the time. Find a job you love, get some hobbies, take a class to improve yourself, find something you love and run with it. You will bring a better half into the marriage.
2. Unrealistic expectations about marriage
Going into marriage thinking it’s all going to be fun and games, bliss every moment and continuous joy forever is going to land you in the big trap called disappointment. It’s when we realize we’re in this thing together, we want to care for and love each other, we want to be on the same path with our goals, and we want to bring joy to each other that things will start to click.
3. Refusal to look beyond your own way of doing things
Those of us who become so rigid and set in our ways will only butt heads with those people who are most important to us. Eventually, if nothing changes, one or both of you will become unhappy. Truly loving another person means you learn to give a little.
4. The idea: the grass is greener somewhere else
This is simply NEVER true. I have been married enough times to know that every relationship takes lots and lots of work. And if you truly want to make it succeed, you will do whatever it takes.
5. A lack of humility: never wrong and won’t apologize
When you’re wrong — admit it. When you’re right — say you’re sorry anyway. We all know that the words, I’m sorry, go a long way in repairing problems in a relationship. Women, in particular, will melt like putty and forgive just about anything if a man is humble and apologetic. It’s okay to actually be wrong about something.
6. The focus turning from love to criticism
It’s easy, over the years, to begin to see the negative in any relationship because you see each other all the time. It’s much more difficult to search for and appreciate the positive. Make it a point to look for the good and point it out to your spouse.
7. The mindset that it’s just too difficult to change
If I had a dime for every time I heard the words, “that’s the way I am, don’t try to change me.” If that’s your attitude — change it right now. We all have room for improvement, and being unwilling to change will only create the butting heads scenario we can all do without.
8. Money: the lack of or the spending of
As long as there is money, there will be problems in marriage. What more can I say.
Again, on their own, these items seem harmless, but they can lead to greater problems in a marriage, if they go unchecked. Some spouses are great at keeping their head together when the going gets rough. But some spouses believe the solution is to run away — infidelity, working long hours, drugs and alcohol, too much time away from home — the list goes on.
Do what you can to make sure your marriage is solid. Do what it takes to get it there. If you’re struggling, take just one of these items right now and begin to work on it. If you can save your marriage, in the end, it will be worth it.
Janeen Diamond began her career with KUTV News, and hosts productions through her company, "Your TV Spot." She has authored, "Save Your Marriage in 30." Janeen is co-creator of "Teen Impact TV." She writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org and FamilyShare.com