How to help your spouse get 'in the mood'

Does it seem like you and your spouse never get “in the mood” at the same time? When you’re turned on, she’s exhausted from cleaning the house and dealing with kids all day.

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  • Does it seem like you and your spouse never get “in the mood” at the same time? When you’re turned on, she’s exhausted from cleaning the house and dealing with kids all day. When she’s turned on, all you want to do is take a minute to relax and watch a little TV. That’s what tends to happen as our lives get busier, children come into the picture, and careers become more demanding.

  • This gradual drifting apart isn’t inevitable. All it takes is a little extra effort. Spice up your marriage with these tricks for getting your spouse “in the mood.” You’ll be glad you did.

    • Build up to the grand finale – it’s hard to feel flirtatious or sexy when you’re tired. Help out your wife by offering to make dinner or wash the dishes. Women are more likely to relax in a clean home. Help tidy up or enlist the help of the kids. On the other hand, if it’s your husband you’re trying to get in the mood, offer to make his favorite dinner. Talk to him about work and let him relieve some of his stress before you try to rev him up.

    • Make sure you have privacy – letting go of your inhibitions is nearly impossible when you’re thinking about the possibility of a child walking in on you at any moment. Make sure the kids are in bed and the door is locked. Turn off the phones to prevent those last minute interruptions.

    • Set the mood – if you want your spouse in the mood, you have to set the mood. If you have no kids at home, this is a little easier. Dim the lights, set up candles around the room, and turn on some soft music. You might consider dressing up — or down — a little, as well. If the presence of children makes setting the mood a little more difficult, try making your bedroom a sanctuary from the rest of the house. Depending on your spouse, you might go all out with rose petals sprinkled on the bedspread and floor, or you might simply turn down the sheets and close the blinds.

    • Be in tune to your spouse’s needs – There will be some nights where it won’t matter how much build up, privacy, or mood setting you have. It’s been a bad day or a long week. Your spouse will let you know if it’s just not working for him or her. Maybe they need a little more help relaxing — offer a massage, use some of your favorite scented lotion, and tell your spouse how special he or she is to you.

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Katie Nielsen received her bachelor's in English with an emphasis in technical writing. She has taught English and is a published writer.

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