How to Apologize
No files uploaded
Obviously sincerity in an apology is important, but if you truly want to salvage a relationship after a serious dispute, what are some important things to keep in mind or do? What things have worked well for you in the past or wish that you could have done differently?
When answering this question please don't get too personal and avoid identifying anyone in a story, but remember that people have relationship troubles all the time and your insight could save a friendship, a romance, or even a marriage.
Might be too late for this. But here is a blog I wrote on how to be truthful and ask forgiveness of your spouse. Might be helpful.
One thing that I have learned, that is similar to the other answers is to just say "I am sorry for ..." and make sure to not add a "but" at the end. If you are sorry, be sorry, and don't make excuses for your actions, no matter how bad you want to!
I agree with GoGoGirl, that you can't insert a disclaimer into an apology. If you're sorry, then say it. If you did something wrong, then own up to it. It can be humbling to apologize and admit that you were wrong, but I think your partner will appreciate it even more when it's sincere.
Another aspect is that if you are the one being apologized to, you have to be willing to accept the apology and forgive the person. My husband has been such a wonderful example to me. He forgives, it seems, instantly. He always tells me he doesn't have time to waste on being angry or holding a grudge because life is too short. He has really inspired me and made me want to forgive as easily as he does, which I struggle with sometimes! :) But being willing to accept an apology and move on is as important as the apology.
First: I have found that while apologizing, validating the other person's feelings is important for example:
I am sorry for ____________.
I understand that it made you feel ______________.
And then introduce a plan of action, "I will try to do better in the future." Or "This is how I plan to make it up to you" etc.
Sometimes we want to insert "I am sorry BUT......" and that just doesn't work. The apology isn't about us, or inserting a disclaimer to our actions. It's about them and their feelings and that's what needs to be addressed.
So secondly: to salvage a relationship after a serious dispute I would say you have to become completely humble, get rid of all pride. Go to the person and be completely open with them. Show them that you are sincere about wanting to repair things. Be willing to do what it takes...and then actually do it.