Feel like your love life is in the doldrums? You're not alone. A natural part of any relationship is a gradual cooling of passionate ardor. You can stir the coals of your love with a few easy, time-tested tricks.
Feel like your love life is in the doldrums? You're not alone. A natural part of any relationship is a gradual cooling of passionate ardor. After a while, it's not uncommon to spend an evening typing on your computer while your husband sits across the room watching a football game. In fact, those are the activities my husband and I are engaged in at this moment. We've been married for a few years now and we no longer feel the need to cuddle every evening or make-out every time we're alone. In some ways this is a good thing; it allows us to live a normal life independent of one another. On the other hand, it also means our love life isn't as exciting as it once was.
It doesn't have to be this way. You can stir the coals of your love with a few easy, time-tested tricks. You needn't refer to your love life as, "boring," or, "same-old," any longer.
1. Change up the routine. Have you ever heard the cliché, "If it ain't broke, why fix it?" That's sometimes a good way to describe a couple's love life. They figure out their favorite romantic pastimes and then follow that routine over and over. For my husband and I, popcorn and a movie, cuddling, kissing and then bed are pretty par for the course. When we were first married, it didn't matter how often we followed the routine, it never failed to light our fires. Years later, we are still following that pattern and it is utterly boring. If you want to add some excitement to your love life, mix things up. Try things you've never done before.
2. Surprise your spouse. Has your marriage become predictable? Break out of the predictability by surprising your spouse. It could be something as easy as bringing him lunch at work or as fancy as waiting for him in a petal-strewn bed wearing a fancy new negligee. Your example might even motivate him to reciprocate.
3. View your spouse like a lover. When you see each other every day, it's easy to get too used to each other's presence. Remember when the sight of him sent chills up your spine? You can recreate those feelings by freshening up the way you view him. Notice all those things that made you fall in love in the first place. Though the years might have changed you both, you'll find there are still physical attributes that attract you to him. Examine him as closely as you wish and let him know what you admire. Men like compliments too.
4. Leave love notes. You don't have to be a poet laureate to express your love to your spouse. Just a simple note that says, "I love you. You mean the world to me," can brighten her day and help rekindle her love for you. You can send texts, emails, snail mail, or stick it in her pants pocket. It will act as a reminder of your love throughout the day and could even help jumpstart a romantic evening.
5. Hold each other. In this world of technology, you might be sitting on the same couch but still be miles apart on your computer, your phone or your tablet. Put aside those distractions and intentionally spend time holding and touching each other. I guarantee you won't be able to do it very long without a positive result.
6. Remember together. Whether your days of dating were a few months ago or a few decades ago, remembering those first days of your love will afford you hours of conversation and laughter. Talk about what first attracted you both to each other, what your memories are of your first kiss, what you liked best about your wedding night.
Everyone falls into the romantic doldrums at some point in their marriage. But you don't have to resign yourself to a boring love life for as long as ye both shall live. Taking the time to rekindle your love will pay enormous dividends in the long run.
Katie Nielsen is an adjunct English faculty member at Brigham Young University - Idaho and mother of one.