3 ways to avoid fights with your spouseSubmitted in Marriage by Jacira Silva Dos Santos on June 19, 2013
Taking a walk and listening are two small but very important ways that you can avoid arguments with your spouse.
Translated and adapted by Taylor Richardson from the original article “Como evitar brigas no casamento” by Jacira Silva Dos Santos.
Whether it is with your friends, family or spouse fights bring on feelings of resentment, sadness and even exclusion.
When it comes to living together, times of happiness and relaxation are always present, but we also have to remember that fights are inevitable, too. They are inevitable as we have differences in our personalities and opinions and when we can’t come to a solution to our problems.
“There are three things in life that don’t come back; an arrow, a spoken word and a lost opportunity.” (Chinese Proverb)
But, even with all our differences, it is necessary to find a balance in it all so that the fights do not become a routine in marriage.
”Love is a desert and your fears” (Djavan)
We are not capable of predicting when a fight will happen, but in the midst of the desert and fears, we need to have love as our beacon.
In spite of the darkness that fighting gives us, bring light into your relationship with your beacon of love. Love isn’t just a romantic idea that comes from movies, but it is the true motive that brings together the union of a couple. When you recognize the similarities and differences that you have you need to choose to not let those things bring contention into the relationship.
Every time we have a disagreement we must take a closer look at our own life. This is a wonderful exercise that helps us evaluate what is really important, and when the fights become important we need to prioritize what we put into our lives.
Follow these ideas to avoid fighting with your spouse.
1. Avoid arguments: In order to avoid fights, we need to act with discernment. When one person begins to argue, it’s better to not say words that could hurt their feelings or make them angry. Do your best to not use words that discourage them. Don’t use physical force. Doing these things can cause the argument to get even worse.
2. Take a walk: When the fighting and arguing begins, take a walk in order to calm down. Think about what caused you to start the argument with your spouse and try to find a way that you can have a happy marriage.
3. Understand when it is the right time to talk: Sometimes it is better to listen than to talk. Talking out of turn can lead to an argument. We want to avoid this so, sometimes it is better to be quiet. Wait for your spouse to calm down a little, and then you can talk about the subject.
“Examine your own heart and fearlessly access the priorities of your life.” (Melvin Russell Ballard)
Fights don’t benefit anyone. They only bring us hurt, resentment, suffering and pain. Whatever the reason for the argument, it isn’t worth the tears or the look of sadness on your spouse’s face.
The heart is the engine that moves the body, and your feelings. If there is only hurt and pain in them, you will not have the strength to fight the battles of life. But if you have noble and pure feelings, then you will be able to move the mountains that stand in your way, and you will be able to clear the path of problems that you will inevitably walk.
Jacira Silva dos Santos Araujo is married, a graduate in languages from the Colleges of Guarulhos, and works as a teacher of literature for medical students.